Birthing Goddess blog

At home, little Liam gets worn a lot, both by mom and dad. We have a Mei Tei carrier we use a lot, a sling (we seldom use), a wrap (Liam loves it) and a hiking carrier for when we go trekking in the backcountry. We almost ever use our stroller and Liam loves watching the world from a high vantage point! We use our wrap and our Mei Tei to parent him to sleep, to get things done around the house, to go shopping... 

Do you sometimes stand in line at the grocery store staring at all the celebrity magazines on the rack wondering how it is that celebs always seem to snape back in shape within weeks after having a baby? Do you sometimes look at your pre-pregnancy clothes and long for your flat belly and skinny thighs? Do you sometimes feel like its utterly unfair that your friends who had a vaginal birth just seemed to loose their belly so much faster than you? Do you hate your cesarean scar or your stretch marks?  Do you just feel like nursing bras are the least sexy underwear you've ever worn? Body image postpartum can be challenging and sometimes negative. Let's bring back some positive!

Well, here are some things to check out:

Our society supports a weird idea of what the female body should like. Even when we are educated women with a strong self-esteem, it can sometimes be challenging to deal with body image, especially after pregnancy. I actually noticed that men on the other hand, are actually quite attracted to round curvacious mamas! So time to forgo our strict diets and forceful exercise for some fun things to do! Instead of hitting the gym with a sense of duty, let's just take some fun salsa or flamenco classes. Instead of hiding underneath concealing pregnancy clothes, let's show off our bountiful sexy cleavage! (yes, even with milk stains...)  I remember seing this really funny french comic strip with a woman and her husband after her pregnancy: he was calling her his lovely tiger-woman for all her stretch marks! I like that idea of being a feline cat-woman! I've also heard of mamas referring to their cesarean scars as "belly smileys", because despite the hard feelings and the trauma of their births, they still cherish their little "special delivery" babies.

As spring is blooming, mamas all aroung are reconnecting with their earthly beauty, we should celebrate that goddess beauty! Just like our ancestors worshipped very curvacious, very pregnant and full of life goddesses:

Lately, breastfeeding has once more been at the centre of a full-blown mommy-war. I'm fairly new to this whole realm of mommy-wars and I was amazed at the amount of debate, passion and thoughtlessness.. Lactivists pitted against mothers who felt picked on. Some amazing bloggers actually genuinely tried to bring the debate back where it belongs: on the barriers that prevent many women from breastfeeding. Annie at PhD in Parenting wants to break down societal barriers and SortaCrunchy momma wants us moms to stop, listen and be supportive. The subject is sensitive, The Feminist Breeder actually saw her site blow up after her post on the subject !

The thing is society has taught us to be competitive and to strive to be better than all others. From primary school we learned that you have to be part of the “popular” crowd or be shunned. It all comes down to “belonging” and so starts the name-giving, the criticizing and the judgmental attitude...When we reach adulthood that’s really the only way we know how to behave, albeit with a hypocritical smile pasted on our faces. Don’t shake your heads, you have all at least once criticized another mom and showed her your best smile when you met her on the street. 

We all want to be the über-crunchy mama that does it all: natural birth, extensive breastfeeding, making her own baby food with her home-grown-organic-heirloom veggies, cloth-diapers, sews and knits clothes for her kids, is prolific in arts and crafts and the list goes on and on... I call this the Wisteria Lane hysteria; it leads to the Bree Van de Kamp syndrome: trying to be THE perfect mom. Now, this is where our mistake is: there is no perfect mom, as late psychologist Winnicott puts it, we are merely “good-enough” mothers and that’s what we should strive to be. Each of us has a slightly different style of parenting and we should embrace that diversity. Our kids are different too, with different needs. So, really, the judging, the looking down and making assumptions should stop. We are only perpetuating the “popular girl” pattern that leads to neurosis. We really don’t want that to be passed down to our kids. 

As SortaCrunchy mom puts it, if you really want to advocate, then put your money where your mouth is. I recently met the wonderful mom who is leading the Vancouver ICAN chapter, she is a breastfeeding advocate, a true one. One of the moms she knew was having a low milk supply issue with her little one and was considering switching to formula. Well, this amazing mama of two pumped and donated her breastmilk to help this mom overcome her low milk supply. Guess what? It worked! Instead of bereaving her friend for being “too lazy”, or “not educating herself”, she genuinely helped her over the hurdles. Another amazing mama I know, who just had twins, is spending some precious time showing another pregnant friend of ours how to breastfeed, including showing her cracked and bleeding nipples from one of her twins not properly latching on... 

Advocating with heart is more about sharing than judging. It’s about being honest about whatever difficulties may be encountered and providing supportive encouragement to those who are on the same path. 

Back to dialogue and debate... Dialogue is about sharing the pieces of the puzzle we have to come up with a better picture, it’s about listening for common ground and not for weaknesses to use against our counterpart. It’s about having a conversation. I don’t see that happening as much as I wish. I see a lot of “mommy wars” going on when really we should be ganging up on the systems that are not supporting our independence, not supporting working mothers, throwing us under the surgical knife when it is unnecessary or putting our reproductive rights in jeopardy.

We should start a movement to give a voice to all the mamas around, to allow them to share their stories in a safe and non-judgemental environment. We should start having tea with the moms we feel different from to hear their side of the story. We should learn to respect the choices made by others. We could probably hear many stories we never imagined, the one of the adoptive mom who is trying to induce lactation but needs a little help from the formula, the one of the mother who has a long history of sexual abuse and just can’t, the one of the mother who tried everything and it just did not work out, the one who tried to pump when she went back to work but saw her supply dwindling, the one who ended up in the hospital with many medications that were not compatible with breastfeeding and the one of the woman who already gives so much of herself to her child she feels she just needs to have at least her breasts to herself to avoid post-partum depression...And who are we to judge? 

Breastfeeding always brings about passion, but the ultimate decision should always be the mother’s. As much as I will always support extensive breastfeeding, I know for some it is not what their heart’s desire is. If given the choice and support, many women would probably choose to breastfeed, but some won’t. Just as some women choose to have children and some don’t. If we want to support women’s rights and freedoms, as much as it is important to provide the support and the informed choices, it is also important to respect their decisions. Thoughtless name-calling does NOT help, it just makes advocates sound like mean proselytizers and makes people want to run the other way... Instead, breastfeeding activists should strive to make sure society offers options to women, they should strive to be supportive and keep an open mind and most importantly, an open heart...

I'm aware that this is wishful thinking but who knows what social change could come about if women partnered up instead of ganging up against each other...

Nuts and dried fruit, Kashgar Bazaar
Originally uploaded by siam.society

Eating healthy is tantamount to a healthy pregnancy and a safe birth. A healthy diet is also the best way to promote your ow child's health later in life. Kids that are used to eating healthy meals at home are less prone to obesity or diabetes later in life.

When I was pregnant, I would eat a lot more often during the day and sometimes during the night. Litlle Liam was asking for his share of goodies!

The trick was not to indulge in things like cookies, muffins and doughnuts all day... Pretty hard when I had a lovely cookie shop just below my office and a Tim Horton's in the building...

So instead, I rediscovered nuts, seeds and dry fruit. Packed with vitamins, fibre and essential nutrients, they were a great way to satisfy my need for snacks during the day and to pack some healthy things into the placenta on the way! Another great thing about dried fruit such as plums or figs is that they help your digestive system. Along with lots of water they are a good way to avoid bloating and constipation that sometimes occur during pregnancy. Another great way to promote easy digestion and pack some nutrients is to add a tablespoon of flaxseed oil to your smoothies, yogurts or vegetables.

Pumpkin seeds are full of iron. Iron is the one thing women truly need to have in their bodies both during pregnancy and after birth. Iron allows for a quicker recovery and boosts your energy. Sadly it's the one thing a lot of women lack, either because we don't metabolize it properly or because our diet isn't great. A lot of the iron supplements don't agree well with women's metabolism so getting an extra source from seeds, nuts and dark green veggies is a great way to make sure you've got all you need!

A lot of mamas find it hard to cook healthy home-made meals. Pregnancy is the time to rediscover the pleasures of cooking simple, healthy meals. You really don't need to be a chef or know how to use fancy spices to make great meals and often it doesn't take more time that preparing a processed-food meal.

Take a look at Jamie Oliver's TED talk: it sure makes you think twice about what and how you eat! Remember, healthy can be simple and cheap too!

April is the month to learn more about cesareans and about how to avoid them.

Some things to think about: